Sky Series: Episode 1
Date: Aug 28, 2026 | Weather: Cloudy | Orphanage: Unknown | Province: Jiangxi | Age: 28 | Chinese Zodiac: Tiger | Location: USA
Note to readers: This is the first episode, so the format was experimental and ended up being a summary of the conversation rather than the interview transcripts of later episodes. Thanks so much to my friend who agreed to be the first episode!!
Identity
Growing up, it felt like "a line in the sand" was drawn between her and the Chinese immigrants at school who didn’t think of her as truly Chinese. Partly, this was due to her not wanting to be Chinese when she was younger and not knowing a lot about Chinese traditions and culture. It became a toxic feedback loop: In order to protect herself from feeling the rejection of the Chinese kids at school, she felt like she rejected the parts of herself that were Chinese. In fact, when she was younger, she wanted her name to be something more clearly American like “Rachel.”
Travelling to China for the first time in college brought about what she calls a full “transformation.” Her trip was the singular experience that changed her outlook on being Chinese completely. She remembers "crying hysterically” on the plane going to China, scared about leaving America for the first time by herself. After landing, she distinctly remembers asking herself whether she thought this trip would make her feel differently about her Chinese identity. Before in America, she felt isolated when people would point out that she wasn’t from there, complimenting her on her “good English.” But here, in China, nobody looked at her as if she were different. Chinese people spoke to her in Mandarin, automatically accepting her as one of theirs. At the same time, it was a little panic-inducing since her own Mandarin was not fluent.
Today, amidst America’s fraught, current political environment, she rejects American and white culture. Her preference for Asian culture is reflected clearly in her food tastes. She enjoys cooking and eating stir fried noodles and rice dishes, especially Korean “bibimbap,” Japanese “musubi,” and Chinese dumplings.
Travelling to China for the first time in college brought about what she calls a full “transformation.” Her trip was the singular experience that changed her outlook on being Chinese completely. She remembers "crying hysterically” on the plane going to China, scared about leaving America for the first time by herself. After landing, she distinctly remembers asking herself whether she thought this trip would make her feel differently about her Chinese identity. Before in America, she felt isolated when people would point out that she wasn’t from there, complimenting her on her “good English.” But here, in China, nobody looked at her as if she were different. Chinese people spoke to her in Mandarin, automatically accepting her as one of theirs. At the same time, it was a little panic-inducing since her own Mandarin was not fluent.
Today, amidst America’s fraught, current political environment, she rejects American and white culture. Her preference for Asian culture is reflected clearly in her food tastes. She enjoys cooking and eating stir fried noodles and rice dishes, especially Korean “bibimbap,” Japanese “musubi,” and Chinese dumplings.
When she started dating in college, she intentionally began to date East and Southeast Asian men. She felt like they might relate to her better. Her husband is Chinese American and together, they’ve been able to share in their Chinese American culture. Every time he shares with her the snacks he enjoyed growing up in his immigrant household, she gets to experience a piece of that life as well.
Community
One thing she is extremely passionate about is the Chinese Adoptee community. During the pandemic, she actively sought community through the pen pal programs and adoptee meetups organized through CCI. To this day, she keeps in touch with many adoptees in the Washington DC area.Birthfamily Searching
When discussing the prospect of birthfamily searching, she articulates the many thoughts and fears that many other adoptees feel as well: China is incredibly large. What if they don’t want to find her? What if she finds them and they ask for financial assistance that she can’t give?
Some babies were abandoned and never adopted to another family. Some babies were left with a letter from their birthfamilies, and the lack of one made her feel rejected. The idea that a birthfamily match could occur for her also evoked complicated emotions. If she hoped or began to hope for a reunion, then that would leave her vulnerable to being hurt. So for her, at this moment, birthfamily searching isn’t a priority. She has so much life to live, a wedding celebration* around the corner, and a community of Chinese adoptees right here in America.
Footnote:
*She and her husband are legally married, but the celebration is to come!